Our newsletter, Helping Athletes Soar, is a free resource for anyone interested in improving performance. It is published on the 1st day of every other month. Please sign up here to receive the newsletter via email. Be sure to add Nicole@HeadStrongConsulting.com to your white/allowed email list. Thanks for your interest!
Issue#20 - May 2008
"Negative Motivation" by Nicole Detling
I recently attended a basketball game to watch a young man that I have been working with for awhile. While I was there, I was introduced to the father of another player on the team. This particular father told me a story about his son. Apparently his son is an incredible athlete, participating in both basketball and baseball. Once he learned I work with MLB players, he decided to tell me that his son was a very talented pitcher and could hold his own at the plate, but plays “flat” most of the time. He’s very laid back and just goes through the motions, resulting in a mediocre performance. As you can imagine (and possibly empathize with), this frustrates the father to no end. So, as a motivational technique, the father will occasionally call the son out of the dugout and “wake him up” by telling him to, “hit the f*^#ing ball”, in a condescending, demanding, and aggressive tone. He then walks away. To his delight, the next time at bat, his son will not only get a hit, but possibly turn it into a triple. His son will then look directly at him after the play and nod as if to say, “Was that good enough for you dad?”
This father was very proud of himself, claiming that his strategy works and always gets the results he is looking for. Another dad standing there listening to the story joined in and the two enjoyed a banter regarding this “amazing technique” the first dad had discovered.
This situation is quite common and I have seen many, well-meaning parents and coaches, resort to this type of motivation. Negative motivation.
The Truth
Does negative motivation work?
Yes, in the short term. Typically, this type of motivation results in anger and frustration for the athlete. This emotion can then be channeled into the immediate performance, resulting in success. However, it will not last more than a moment and the long term results can be quite devastating.
Long-Term Results
This type of motivation leaves the athlete feeling very negatively regarding their sport. Essentially, it is another form of “conditional love” that conveys to the athlete that the parent or coach will only love them or be satisfied when the athlete performs to an expected standard. It can actually kill motivation in the long term and the athlete will typically be burned out long before they have reached their prime. Various research studies have shown that this type of motivation is one of the primary causes for sport dropout.
Better Options
There are many ways to motivate your athletes appropriately. I consistently talk with athletes, usually at the high school level, who express concern to me regarding their parents. I think that many of our youth would be happier in their sport if only the parents and coaches knew how to truly motivate them for long-term enjoyment rather than short-term success. I covered this particular topic in Newsletter #2, April 2005. Following is an excerpt of tips from this newsletter:
TIPS FOR COACHES
Emphasize process over outcome. Instead of setting a goal "to win", set achievable game goals. For example, a basketball game goal could be to outrebound the other team, a soccer goal could be corner-kick placement, a tennis goal could be better first-serve percentages.
Encourage athletes to learn from a loss. See it as a learning opportunity rather than a failure.
Redefine success based on personal/team improvement.
TIPS FOR PARENTS
Help separate identity from performance by showing approval of your son/daughter regardless of outcome.
Focus on fun. When your child returns after a competition ask, "Did you have fun?" instead of, "Did you win?" Allow the child to tell you about the performance in their own terms. Don’t worry, eventually you’ll learn whether it was a win.
Keep sport in proportion to other activities (band, drama club, science fair, family activities, etc.).
Bottom Line: Remember that your kids are playing sports because it’s fun…no matter what YOUR intentions are. In my experience, those who are having the most fun end up being the ones with the most success. Very few people enjoy being yelled and cursed at, and I’m betting your child isn’t one of them – that demeans the whole purpose of playing the game. If you truly want your child to succeed, make sure they know you approve of them, regardless of the outcome of the game.
For more information on this topic or any other mental performance-related topic, contact Nicole at Nicole@HeadStrongConsulting.com
Featured HeadStrong Athletes Accomplishments:
Nicole Detling has been a sport psychology consultant / mental coach since 1998. For more information on Nicole and the services provided by HeadStrong Consulting go to www.HeadStrongConsulting.com. She works with individual athletes, teams, coaches, parents, and performers to optimize performance through the use of the mind. Nicole can be reached at: Nicole@HeadStrongConsulting.com.
